People...You Suck. Mostly.

Mini rant time!

So, one of the guys at work is having a 50th birthday party at his house on an upcoming Saturday. I was invited to come along but as John works till 10 pm and I really wouldn't go without him I'm not going to go. I said thanks but no thanks. They know why, too. It's not like I'm not up-front about my antisocial tendencies.
But the arguments and the incredulity begin; "But you know US, you can come 'cause it's US" "You LIKE us, it's not strangers, it's US"
I'm really very sorry people. I may like you (most of you) but I wouldn't hang out with any of you outside of work on any kind of regular basis. I like you, you are basically nice people but that DOES NOT exempt you from my antisocial shit. People always think THEY are the special ones, they are the ones I will want to hang out with - they never believe that I could include them in my "I DON'T LIKE HANGING OUT WITH ANYONE" routine. Just because I like you doesn't mean I want to be around you. :P
John is special, he's the only one who is exempt from this. Even my family is subject to it.

It's not like I am being elitist or picky or putting you down if I don't love spending time with you - I'm also very aware that it's no prize to spend time with me. I'm just saying I don't like spending time with people. It is very rare that a person will come along that is an exception to that rule.
So stop being surprised.

Then they go on and on about it and I end up feeling like a shit because I don't want to go to the party. Now I'm some big asshole who "hates" them and thinks I'm too good to hang out with them.
FUCK YOU, DICKS. THIS IS WHY I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE.
You can never be comfortable and just be who you are without feeling like a shit for it. I always have to worry that I am hurting people's feelings or I am letting someone down or that I am annoying them in some way.
Because the way I am makes it soooo much worse, you see. I worry. I WANT people to like me so I worry that they are angry, or disappointed or think I'm stupid. That's why it is so FUCKING EXHAUSTING to be around people. I'm always disappointing someone or feeling guilty for not doing what they want.

So oddly - I am antisocial because I like people too much?

I feel better now, having typed this rant. Did I mention I have my period? :P